Ecstatic (NSFW)

“You never see positive drug stories on the news do you, isn’t that weird? Since most of the experiences I’ve had on drugs…were real fucking positive.” – Bill Hicks

As I said in my previous post I had ecstasy for the first time at the rave in January and I had a rolling (ha!) good time. I’m happy to say that I’m a better man because of it. Ecstasy unlocked a part of me that I never knew existed. For the duration of the effect I was close to my best self as I could imagine. Ever seen that movie Limitless? That’s how I felt for 12 hours.

That is some heavy shit right there so I will start at the beginning. I went to the gym that morning and beasted out. I had to mentally force myself to stop doing squats and go home and get ready. I was locked in like I’ve never been before and this attitude crossed over into the night. In Manhattan before we got the train to Brooklyn I had a medium iced coffee. We were gonna be up late so why not right? That was about 8 or 9 probably. When we get to my friends place who we will call Frankie he pulls out these imitation adderall pills his out of town roommate left. I’m 2 tallboys in so we crush them up and blow them quick. We walk to the rave at 10:30. I drop E at 11. The E I had was a tiny blue heart shaped pill that I broke in half to be safe. In hindsight I am very happy I did this because that tiny half in conjunction with the adderall and coffee kept me up for more than 12 hours. I lose the other half when I try to hand it to Frankie in the rave and one of us drops it. Whatevs. From what I read I expect to feel the urge to dance uncontrollably but it only came to me in a small dose.

How I THOUGHT I would feel

What I did get was ENERGY. Way different from a coke high or adderall. With coke I have a great time but it is very short lived. I also grind my teeth and get the drippy nose we all hate. My sex drive goes nuts and I want to fuck anything that moves. With ecstasy I had energy but I didn’t feel out of odds. I wasn’t jittery or jumping around. I could sit down and you wouldn’t even know I was rolling. My mind was extremely calm, and I was fully in control. Physically I felt fine but mentally a switch had been flipped. I became super alpha Fearless. I would make eye contact with girls and if they held for 2 seconds I was there dancing with them. Super confident is the best way to put it.

Now Frankie has this girl friend that he grew up with that shows up at the rave. He wants nothing to do with her so I get the green light. I handle her like a fucking champ. Don’t get me wrong I do alright with girls but this was some next level shit. First off, I’m taking her hand and leading her around the rave like I own her. There is no hesitation in my thoughts or action. I know EXACTLY what I am doing, perfect mental clarity. When I want to dance I just take her to the floor and let her grind on me, when I want a cig I would just leave her there but of course she followed behind. She tried shit testing me a few times but soon realized I wasn’t having any of it and did everything I wanted. Heartiste had a post on amused mastery and I embodied it that night. I was the master and she was there to amuse me. Her pitiful negs were snowflakes on my armor, I was two steps ahead of everything she said. Early in the night she asked me to hold her lipgloss and I immediately refused which caused her to punch me, rub up on my junk, then literally jump into my arms in front of 10 ppl outside. As PUA’s would say I was 100% outcome dependent for the first time in my life and holy shit did I enjoy it. Just plain did not give a single fuck what happened between us. Breaking rapport and tonality, agree and amplify, reframe, I did it all. The beautiful part was because she was annoying as hell and I didn’t (at the time) want to fuck her it was all natural. I did not game her but she wanted my cock more than ever. No thought required, I just acted on instinct. Heartiste and Roosh would have shed a tear watching their handiwork come to fruition so amazingly.

How I would ACTUALLY feel

The best is yet to come. My friends bail for parts unknown around 2 or 3 a.m. I’m left with hot mess and no ride. Fuck it we’re walking. I pull her outside so we can get going. She lives 10 blocks but doesn’t know what direction of course. It is colder than a feminist’s lonely bed outside, about 15 degrees and she is wearing a tight black sleeveless dress with no jacket. I’m wearing a thin sweater (which she ruins) but no way am I giving it to her. I swear it could have been a sunny summer day, I do not feel cold at all just perfectly awake. The cold and wind do their best to sap all of the sexual tension out us. We meet her male roommate outside who is ripshit pissed that I’m about to beat that pussy up. I can see it in his eyes he fucking hates me and I love it. Jealous omegas make my day mother fuckers. She and I share the sleeves of my sweater as she presses her ass up against me and I catch daggers from this dude. Brazen, bold, reckless I would grab her tits and ass while looking him right in the eye. Fuck it, I start walking back the direction I came from.

There's my baby

Here is the situation: I’m rolling on E in an unfamiliar ghetto neighborhood in BK with a scantily clad somewhat drunk college girl with no idea where she lives at 3:30 a.m. Time to man up mofos. Walking tall, scanning ahead and glancing behind me for punk ass bitches looking for trouble. I actually wanted to fight somebody. According to Wikipedia this is called hyper-vigilance and its a detrimental effect of E. Detrimental my ass I want that feeling again. I wish some punk would have started something. Two times cars full of 4 black guys pulled up and asked her if she wanted a ride while I just kept leading her down the street. To stop her bitching about the cold, we take shelter in an apartment building for a few minutes on the way home. The guys working the door ask if she is my gf and I laugh my ass off while she is in the bathroom. She hears it all and tries yelling at me which causes me to laugh even harder while I tell the guys how crazy she is. Back on track I look like I was on the warpath, pure single-mindedness. I’m bored so I hit her with silent treatment for about 3 blocks and watch her hamster tire itself out.

No BS she kinda looked like her but not as hot

We thankfully make it back to her place. When I leave her bathroom she is just waiting by the counter with a glass of water for me. Ecstatic joy turns to sadness then to fury as she drunkenly “kicks me out” and I walk back to the rave. I am still wired and don’t sleep till about noon that Sunday.

Jesse Charger over at had a great post on exactly what I felt that night.

Here are some key points, I highly recommend the article and site.

-Goal was not to get laid, just to express my reckless sexual intent.

-Did not care if she liked me at all. No apologies no excuses for being sexual.

-Testosterone fueled fury, physically dominated her.

-Spoke loudly and dominantly, and broke rapport.

-Ignored shit tests and powerfully steamrolled over all opposition.

-Took action without permission.

Now once you feel this feeling you want it ALL THE TIME. It’s not easy when society glorifies processed food, obesity, feminism, and no exercise. Obviously I can’t take E all the time so I immediately changed my life for the better. I cut out masturbation completely for 3 whole weeks starting that morning to get my T levels high ( Still had sex). Eased up on the internet porn also but found some interesting tumblr blogs to keep me occupied, but that’s a post for another day… I can’t recommend this highly enough, as I feel like a man-beast all the time now. Ferdinand over at and Victor Pride at each have great posts summarizing the numerous benefits to your life.

I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and lift heavy. I used to go half ass when I felt like it. but now I don’t miss a day no matter what happens.With the lifting and no jerking the gurk I feel great. Note of caution if you don’t have sex regularly you might blow fast. With the first one gone you will be ready to go again in 2 min though, that’s when the show really starts.


-Ecstasy is awesome in careful moderation. Mine was cut with something. Peeps online say it was anabolic steroids and speed with MDMA. Fuck it more stuff to knock off my list.

-Imagine that drug from Limitless but less cutting people with children’s ice skates.

-WIll do Molly the supposed pure form of MDMA that comes in crystal form.