For many Americans it is a morning staple to sit down with a cup of coffee and read the morning paper.
As the first source of information a man can obtain before he sets off to start his day, it’s important that this information should brighten his day and put him in a positive mindset to face the many travails ahead of him. If not that, then at least spark some creative thoughts in his head, but not so anymore.
Now when men arise they are greeted with this…
Yes, the first image men awaken to is the story of a mother beating her four year old toddler to death. This is the mindset of savagery and barbarism the (((media))) wants to instill into us men. The mindset that senseless violence will meet you around every corner, strangers will attack you, a general pervasive sense of societal malaise.
This is not so, and will never be. You can today choose to build your relationships with friends and neighbors that share a like minded attitude and values. You can raise proud children that know right from wrong and are not afraid to voice their opinions, and you can vote in local elections to influence your communities fate. Although we will never give up hope, there are some like the owner of the Daily News who wish to fear monger us into submission. I wonder what that parasite who seeks to divide us along racial and economic lines looks like…
And here’s our culprit (((Mortimer Zuckerman))) pictured on the right. Every damn time.
“The first half of the Age Of Commerce appears to be peculiarly splendid. The ancient virtues of courage, patriotism, and devotion to duty are still in evidence. The nation is proud, united, and full of self confidence. Boys are still required, first of all, to be manly- to ride, to shoot straight, and to tell the truth. (It is remarkable what emphasis is placed, at this stage, on the manly virtue of truthfulness, for lying is cowardice- the fear of facing up to the situation.)
Boy’s schools are intentionally rough. Frugal eating, hard living, breaking the ice to have a bath and similar customs are aimed at producing a strong, hardy, and fearless breed of men. Duty is the word constantly drummed into the heads of young people.”
XV: The Age Of Affluence-
“There does not appear to be any doubt that money is the agent which causes the decline of this strong, brave, and self-confident people. The decline in courage, enterprise, and a sense of duty, however, gradual.
The first direction in which wealth injures the nation is a moral one. Money replaces honour and adventure as the objective of the best young men. Moreover, men do not normally seek to make money for their country or their community, but for themselves. Gradually and almost imperceptibly, the Age of Affluence silences the voice of duty. The object of the young and the ambitious is no longer fame, honour, or service, but cash.
Education undergoes the same gradual transformation. No longer do schools aim at producing brave patriots ready to serve their country. Parents and students alike seek the educational qualifications which command the highest salaries.”
The last one kicks me right in the nuggets. Out of 34 OECD countries we ranked fifth in spending per student. However we ranked 26th in math, 21st in science, and 17th in reading.
This article only deals with non criminal actions within small social group settings such as family, co-workers, friends, and school since this is where the majority of men spend their time. Some of these reputations get flipped on their head when you’re famous (or infamous), but that is not within the scope of this article.
1)A known liar– You’re lying out of insecurity and trying to impress someone or you honestly believe your own bullshit and think they’re stupid enough to believe it too. Which ever it is, cut that shit out.
Best case: White lies, chronic exaggerator.
Worst case: Sociopathic levels of lying. Bold faced attention seeking lies. Saying you’ll do something and never following through.
2) A gossip– Just remember, it always gets back to them, and the eventual ass kicking will get back to you.
Best case: Harmless infrequent jokes about public information.
Worst case: Betrayal of another persons trusted secrets. Chronic shit talking.
3) A complainer- Life is difficult, no one cares for you’re complaints. Choose an action and follow through. If there is a legitimate concern by all means address it, if not, stay quiet.
Best case: A funny joke about a shared group complaint.
Worst case: Chronic frivolous complaints.
The overarching value that runs through most of these is trust. That is what keeps small groups humming along and once you betray that the group is splintered and easily destroyed. If you carry one of these sordid reputations there are only two ways to rehabilitate it. The first is to simply move on to another group, but they too will see through the facade eventually. The second is intensive character building and relationship repair. Expect months if not years of constantly working to fix the damage you incurred, but in the end you all become stronger for it.
*Rest easy, this post contains no pictures of feminists.
Every four years some of the most dedicated and physically fit human beings alive get together to have wild orgies and sometimes compete against each other for national glory. If you look at these games as a microcosm of humanity we can glean valuable information from them. In particular what characteristics we look for in short term sexual partners. Most of the female Olympians I see in competition fit a standard (excellent) bill. Long hair, radiant smiles, and of course top shelf ability. No matter what country they hail from or what sport they compete in, they all attempt to cultivate a traditional feminine appearance.
But if you think about it, these are the same women who should have every excuse to slack on the additional beauty tips. Of course their bodies are in excellent shape due to the rigorous training, but makeup, hair, nail polish, take precious time when your sore from training for 8 – 10 hours a day. This stands in stark contrast to ugly feminists everywhere who claim they are too “busy” to pretty themselves or cultivate a pleasant personality. These Olympians train daily for years to be the best in the world while Lindy West trains to see how many doughnuts she can fit in her mouth at once.
These Olympians serve as an inspiration to all women, you can be the best in the world and still look good. But hey I’m sure Sandra Fluke had a harder day lobbying on Capitol Hill.
“If I could only live to see it, to be there with you. What I wouldn’t give for twenty more years!“
The old man provides valuable insight into delayed gratification and effective planning. It made me think of where I would be in 20 years, and if I would I even be alive, much less successful in the goals I’ve set. If I don’t have a plan I know I won’t be.
I don’t know a lot of men with a long term plan. Sure the cops and teachers want to make it through their 20 years and retire, but that boils down to survival more so than dedicated plan. I think with age the ability to plan long term arises, but by then it’s too late. Most of the mid 20’s men I know barely have a 2 year plan, and what they do have only concerns their career. If you ask them where they will be in 5-10 years, it’s the rare man that can give a definitive answer. Of course circumstances change and unforeseen opportunities arise but even a general sense of direction will help. That’s where the lofty goal comes in. Like a far off lighthouse guiding you through the mist and rough waves of life, the goal acts as a beacon. How you navigate the various obstacles is up to you, but the direction is always clear. An oft used example would be Odysseus and his adventures on the way back to his beloved family. Years and thousands of miles separate the man from his home, but possession of self and mental fortitude forge a rugged attitude, “nothing will stop me from my goal”.
My advice on planning is distilled in a quote spoken by Dwigt D. Eisenhower. “In preparing for battle I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable.” I know and fully expect for problems to arise. No plan survives first contact and by expecting issues and allotting both time and resources you can effectively overcome them. Think back to when you waited until the last moment to write a paper for school. You find out there’s an extra section to write, the printer doesn’t work, traffic on the road, internet slows to a crawl. You didn’t plan for the problems and paid the price, now extrapolate that for life.
Many men think they have the world of time to accomplish their vision. “Just as soon as I finish school, pay my loans, move, etc…” I’m guilty of it too and I fight everyday to stay on track. You’re mortal, you will die, and you probably won’t see it coming. There isn’t time to reminisce on missed opportunities, neither is there time to drag your feet in fulfilling your goals.
Sit down and write out where you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, where you want to live, where you want your family to be (financially, physically, etc…) I don’t know what diverse goals you have set for yourself but charting a road map is the only way to success.
“Relapse is now seen as the rule rather than the exception in addiction recovery. And it is no longer viewed as a catastrophe but as an opportunity for learning more and better strategies for overcoming urges and for identifying the moods and situations that are likely to be difficult. What is inappropriate is black-and-white thinking about success that turns a slip-up into a disaster and sees it as a sure sign of defeat. The fact is that it takes time to change all the mental apparatus that supports any particular habit-the memories, the situations that trigger craving, and more. Addiction changes brains, and it takes time to change brains back.”
*Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, nor should this advice be substituted for professional medical advice.*
Days Without Incident: 0
Look in the mirror, reset the counter, regret the encounter. Whether your addiction is substance related or behavioral, the chance of a relapse is substantial. As I said before, the opioid system and habit cycle in your body are formidable opponents in the face of change. To change engrained systems such as these will take time and effort. This recent foray into addiction management hasn’t been my first rodeo and I’ve come up with a steps that help straighten my mind out. Some might work for you and some won’t, take them with a grain of salt.
– Deal with the immediate medical issues / emergencies (stomach pumped, etc…)
– You feel like dogshit, mentally and physically, accept that you made a mistake.
– Contact your support structure, ideally people that fully understand addiction and relapse and will not judge you harshly such as Narcotics / Alcoholics Anon, addiction clinics / wards, friends, family, hotlines.
-The shame, addiction, shame spiral is extremely powerful. (You use drugs to ease the pain of shame, then feel more shame after, negative feedback loop.) You must focus on the positive to snap yourself out of it. You have the courage and fortitude to take the first steps toward sobriety and had a small misstep along the path. You have not failed, only faltered momentarily.
– Write down everything that lead up to the relapse. Events, how and what you felt, why you felt that way. Jotting it down will clear up the reasons why and will help you rectify the situation next time.
– Change you state: State dependent memory is real and can sink your boat. Work out and get a sweat going, change your clothes, go for a walk. Learn what moods and situations trigger your addiction cravings and deal with them accordingly. You’re going to have to remove certain people and things from your life, accept that.
-Dr. Gabor Mate’s definition of sobriety: “Sobriety is developing a mind state focused not on staying away from something bad, but on living a life led by positive values and intentions. It means living in the present moment, neither driven by ghosts of the past nor lulled and tormented by fantasies and fears of the future.” Read his book, it changed my life and will probably change yours.
Share your best tips on how to successfully cope with a relapse in the comments. Good luck and God bless.
Want to know how it feels to quit porn completely? Well this post is for you. This is a longer post than usual but well worth the read, here;s the TL;DR version if you cannot:
You will feel like shit for a bit (your personal mileage will vary)
Set your own limits. Some men do not fantasize, watch nude scenes in films, read erotic lit, or have sex during reboot.
Use the YBOP forums and/or RebootBlueprintfor support and accountability. Porn blockers are a viable option.
Relapsing is common, do not stop the reboot or start to binge after a relapse.
Friends and family may not understand what you’re doing or why you’re doing it.
The benefits are numerous and real but take time to develop.
On Oct 1 2013 I quit completely on a whim. Things were getting out of hand and I had to make a change. Around the same time I started EaL I also started a Tumblr that focused on tasteful erotic art, which soon spun out of control. What started as tasteful art degenerated into straight up porn, I started receiving unsolicited nudes from women, offers to cyber, and offers to meet up in person. A 19 year old tight bodied Brazilian woman sent a video of herself getting off to what I had posted. Likewise two 22 year olds sent a vid of them fingering each other to my inbox. Not going to lie, I got hooked.
On 10/1/13 I stopped checking, but never deleted it. I still get updates on new followers and reposts every now and then, but ego stopped me from deleting (who doesn’t love unsolicited nudes / msgs from attractive women?) So it’s been a little over 2 months now and I can say I beat the urges and such. Here’s what I’ve learned. Of course every brain is different and you’re experience will vary. *P= porn, M= masturbation, O=orgasm, hence PMO masturbate to orgasm using porn*. –The first few weeks are absolute shit. I was completely miserable for the first 2-3 weeks. Luckily I read several articles on the always excellent Your Brain On Porn forums. Before you make the decision you have to read up and learn what to expect. The dopamine plug of infinite internet porn is pulled and your brain is pissed. Some guys get physically ill and face something akin to withdrawal symptoms from opiods ( I got the flu last year when I first tried this). The only solution is to eat right, work out, and stay busy. Take supplements to balance out chemical deficiencies in your brain and forge onward.
–Edging, erotic literature/ art, porn, fantasies… I abstained from M completely for the first month. While I have never had a problem with erectile dysfunction, early ejaculation, or anything like that it still takes time for your brain to re-wire itself. Don’t read erotic literature, watch porn, edge, and sometimes you shouldn’t even fantasize. For those of you who don’t know what edging is, it’s keeping yourself at a state of peak arousal with out orgasm / sex and does considerable damage to your prostate. This is sheer willpower, mind over matter stuff. Some guys M, some guys have sex, some abstain during the reboot. It’s your call depending on where you see yourself. I had sex during the process and I like to believe it helped speed up the process.
–Porn blockers and accountability If you really can’t will yourself to stop watching there are resources for you. First off clear your internet history so every time you type in the letter p pornhub doesn’t pop up. While I haven’t used porn blockers, they came highly recommended from the forums. Some of them offer the added option to automatically send an email to someone of your choice if you visit one of the sites on your blacklist. For more accountability use the YBOP forums. There are answers to EVERY concern and question. Men of all ages from 12 – 80 share their experience there and it has helped me substantially. Trust me, when you’re sex drive flatlines and you feel like a eunuch for a week or you relapse it’s important to have that support structure there.
–Relapsing is common, don’t beat yourself up or quit. This generation has practically been raised on porn since they grew up with high speed internet. Some have been watching porn since they were 12 or younger and this forms a major habit, coupled with the fact that GUYS IN THEIR TEENS NOW SUFFER FROM PORN INDUCED ED, this was more than enough reason to stop. Obviously the sooner you pull the plug the better, but there are guys quitting after 20 years and the neural pathways are strongly engrained, enabling a relapse. When this happens DO NOT QUIT THE REBOOT AND DO NOT BINGE. Many have fallen to the death spiral of a relapse whether it pertains to behavioral addictions or drug abuse. I know a few guys who relapsed and then rationalized away hours long porn binges. Guess what, you feel like shit for the next few days because you caved. I don’t reset my counter (partly because after day 30 I stopped counting days and count months now) because I know I’ve worked hard and one slip won’t send me into a spiral. I just now suffered a minor relapse and that’s what made me write this.
–Don’t expect regular people to understand. Not one of my close friends can comprehend the thought of decreasing porn use. I didn’t think it would be so controversial when I brought it up but most guys have never even thought of stopping. Now I just keep it close to my chest.
–Benefits Finally the meat of the issue.
First and most importantly you can’t get porn induced ED. If you value having a functioning dick into your golden years cut porn out right now.
You remove the infinite supply of pixelated hot women forcing you to develop yourself enough to pull flesh and blood attractive women.
Stable mood throughout the day / week.
Masturbation is enjoyable, even energizing again as opposed to leaving you lethargic and weak.
You killed one more addiction, making you a better man in the process. This takes an enormous amount of willpower and is something to be proud of when completed.
Paraphrase from a Heartiste commenter on porn; “In gorilla troops the alpha fucks the female while the betas watch and masturbate. By watching porn you’re relegating yourself to beta by watching an alpha fuck a chick. If you’re going to watch anything, watch two chicks at least, then your half-way to alpha”. Don’t know if it’s true but it’s something to think about.