Losing control of yourself and overtly displaying anger is unbecoming of a gentlemen. You have to be fully in control of your mind and body in order to succeed in this life. Sometimes circumstances push and test the boundaries of control you hold on your mind and emotions. This is the story of a cold night in January where my limits were pushed over the edge. This is by far a rare occurrence and not my regular demeanor towards women or life.
I pride myself on my patience and ability to control my emotions no matter what. I believe this is essential to being a man, a strong unassailable frame and cool nonchalance. It takes a lot of work for someone to try and wind me up, that said, people still try their best. If they do get me to the point of no return they are usually severely disappointed in my reaction. I don’t explode as a lot of others do when they lose their cool. I do the exact opposite and it serves a larger purpose than blowing up. My reaction consists of ungodly silence and an uneasy calm. I know what you’re saying. “Isn’t that kind of a reactionary butthurt response?” Not really, I don’t pout and close myself of from the world. On the contrary, with a slight smirk I just subtly withdraw attention from whoever or whatever caused this. Think more Fedor Emelianenko looking at you from across the ring than whiny emo listening to Deathcab in their room. With that said, you are now free to join me in hour 5 of my personal meeting with the devil in the form of a drunk 22 year old friend of a friend.
I’m stuck with this she-devil of a woman for another 20 minutes as we walk back to her place. Good natured flirting takes a sinister turn somewhere in the last 10 minutes and has us talking subtle shots at each other. It’s not so much the insults she spews forth but my poor decision to even be here that irks me (alcohol). I should have let her walk by herself and get killed is what I’m thinking at the moment. I constantly interrupt her diatribes on her shit friends, co-workers, landlord to preserve my sanity. I covertly insult her intelligence, grammar, and style, trumping her overt attempts at cutting me down. Like a true borderline she shifts from lovingly trying to snuggle up to me after I cut her down then shifts back when I don’t return her advance. I clam up and start walking faster so this hell can finally be over. “I know all about your game, stop trying to be aloof” she says. (*You don’t know the half of it sweetheart, I’m not being aloof I really cannot stand to be with you any longer*). I start to disregard traffic lights and traffic itself, deciding to not break my pace. “You can start talking now you know, it’s not working”. *Silence* She tries to brace up against me again. *Silence* “I hate you!” *Silence* We get back to her place and she starts playfully teasing me as I wait for her to open her door. I stand at the foot of the stairs looking back the way we came as she motions me in for a drink.
I have not given this girl any hint that I like her in 25 minutes. All she has gotten is an icy stare and silence but she still wants to fuck, the lust in her eyes, the way she pokes out her ass, its all there. The most I’ve said is 10 words tops and they have all been to cut her down. She grabs my hand and goes for a kiss which I let happen but don’t return. I mentally sacrificed sex for taking her down a peg half an hour ago. I didn’t hide my disgust, I let it show and she still wants to bang. Yes, I did physically and mentally lead her. Yes, I did interrupt her constantly and impose my frame. Yes, I was completely outcome independent, but this was all out of disgust. Unbelievable. In hindsight I embodied the Dark Triad in my anger.
- Narcissism- I’m walking to your apartment building. You are simply coming along for the ride.
- Machiavellianism- Self-serving, indifferent to moral and ethical standards, chose covert biting
negsinsults opposed to blowing up overtly.
- Psychopathy- Definition from Wiki ” characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for the feelings of others and often the rules of society. (check)Psychopaths have a lack of empathy and remorse, and have very shallow emotions. (check)They are generally regarded as callous, selfish, dishonest, arrogant, aggressive, impulsive, irresponsible, and hedonistic.(and check) Despite this, psychopaths are often superficially charming and can be highly adept at manipulation. There is at most only a weak association between psychopathy and high IQ.”
You can’t fake aloofness. It’s something you have either through options or genuine disregard.